Lemonfluff
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Sex?
Apr 10, 2012 22:56:55 GMT
Post by Lemonfluff on Apr 10, 2012 22:56:55 GMT
So this is kind of based on Perdy's thread but it's a slightly different topic so I thought I'd make a new thread for it. However it got me thinking.
How do you guys feel about the idea of sex? Are you all for it but only after marriage or do you feel it's something that should be explored freely, with anyone and as many people as are willing?
Do you think that there are too high expectations now, that a relationship will also constitute sex, and that people feel pressured to have sex or to have had relationships in order to be valued as a person in our society?
Feel free to say whether you've had it or not but you don't need to feel any obligation to and this isn't to compare how far you've gone I just want to hear your points of views. I think all views should be treated with an open mind though you guys are all pretty awesome so I'm sure you will! ^Saying that different opinions are very much welcomed!!
Also, how do you guys feel about flirting? Is there a point where it goes too far? Can you just be friends and flirt?
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Sex?
Apr 10, 2012 23:40:42 GMT
Post by Madi The Unicorn on Apr 10, 2012 23:40:42 GMT
I'll start with the flirting question cause that's quicker. I dont flirt with people I'm not interested in. It sounds stupid cause its like :"... well why would you if you're not interested?" but i know plenty of friends who flirt with guys because.. well they can. I dont agree with leading people on like that. I do that sort of joking flirting with close friends, but thats more of a they say something dirty and I raise my eyebrows suggestively and go :"Oh really? " So to answer your questions: Flirting is ok as long as the feelings are really there. Flirting with people you like stops you getting pent up about your lack of relationship with them or the lack of anything happening between you at all.. And you can be friends and flirt but it depends on the type. If its heavy then no, if its lighthearted fun flirting where it's just messing around then yeah.. The idea of sex sometimes grosses me out :L It seems weird. The idea of having sex with a girl, to me, feels less weird, because its like the only thing this girl would be doing is something I am also fully capable of doing to myself if I wanted. I dunno :L I can't say I've ever been in the position (lulz) of having sex with a guy or girl.. But I guess the idea of losing my virginity is still kinda scary to me. :L (More so with guys- due to fears of it hurting or being uncomfortable, if the guy will listen to me or just go at the pace that pleases him etc.. I have guy-issues as well btw before you're all like wtf I dont really trust/talk to most guys and I have to admit I've got a bad idea of them in my head. Like I know not all guys are dicks, but I still cant help fearing I wont be treated well by them) Personally, I want to wait. Perhaps not until marriage, but I certainly am not planning to throw it away anytime soon. I want to be in a long term commited relationship where I know what I'm doing, will trust my partner and be comfortable with it- and if I have a sudden change of heart and get scared or worried they wont just be like: "Just relax.." and keep going, they'll understand and stop and wait until I'm ready. The same goes if my partner wasn't ready but I was. On the subject of the number of partners, I think if everyone involved is ok with it, as many people as they want can get involved. Personally I could only have one partner as I get jealous really easily and I'm really protective. If I'm giving the whole of my heart to them, I dont want to get half in return as they give the other half to some other guy/girl. And in the actual act, I think that things SHOULD be explored, but if doing something makes one person in the relationship uncomfortable then it should stop and shouldnt be persued unless the person who felt uncomfortable decides. I think too many young people have sex these days. I sound really old fashioned and stuff, but I guess thats just how I've been raised. Its not just sex either, I'm fussy about giving away hugs too When I was with the person I liked apparently I gave "Great hugs" cause I really do put everything I am into them. But if I dont want to give a hug, or dont like the person I'm hugging I'm really weak and limp and stuff because I dont want to be close to them. :L I think too many people think its a mature thing to do so they do it, or they get pressured into it because they think thats what everyone does (when they really dont, most people are lying when they say they've slept with sooo many people).. But i think thats with everything. People have lost their backbone and don't know how to say "No. I do not want to do that thankyou." Which is why I think people find me so odd when I go to parties where I know theres gonna be alcohol but I say no when I'm offered. And I think its also why they're shocked and a bit put off when I say no again firmer when they try to pressure me into it. They're used to people giving in and having a sip or whatever. I think society as a whole has a lot to do with it. Everyones so concerned with how other people view them that they do things they dont want to do, or aren't sure about just so they can say they've done it. I'm not too bad at the moment because a lot of other people I'm friends with haven't had sex, but I can imagine in a couple of years time people will tease me for being a virgin when everyone else has done it. EDIT: Omfg why was this so long.
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pixie
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Sex?
Apr 10, 2012 23:55:25 GMT
Post by pixie on Apr 10, 2012 23:55:25 GMT
Well, I think I'm gonna try to break this down into two parts.
1. Flirting - I personally have never had a situation where I felt this went too far. I mean, flirting is no big deal, it's supposed to be fun and light and if it gets too intense, you just stop. At least, that's how it's always been for me. HOWEVER, it is annoying when a guy is being flirty and I make it clear I'm not interested/in the mood to flirt and he won't stop acting that way. Like if it's clear the other person isn't into it, leave them alone.
2. Sex - I think this is really different for everyone, you know? What's right for one person isn't right for another. Personally, I think waiting until marriage is absolutely terrifying. My reasoning behind that is that if I don't trust myself or my boyfriend enough outside of marriage to be intimate with him, I really REALLY don't want to legally bind myself to him. I totally get that for some people it's a religious thing, but for me I can't even imagine waiting that long. I know a couple of people who will openly admit that they waited for marriage and do not recommend it. HOWEVER, saying that, I'm personally not for being all "free" or into tons of "experimenting." The reason behind this for me is that, being a girl, I'm really stressed by the possibility of pregnancy. I'm definitely nowhere near ready to be a mom, so the idea of just freely sleeping around with people is also terrifying to me. SOOO, I think if I'm in a relationship with someone and I love him, then yeah, I'll sleep with him. But I'm not going to sleep with a boy I'm not dating and not really into. It's way too much of a risk.
Finally, addressing Madi, I find your view on hugs interesting. I hug people all the time, but I rarely am the one who starts, people just know I love hugs and come over to me. I rarely reject a hug. I love them, and I'm kind of known for them. Hugs totally help my stress levels.
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Sex?
Apr 11, 2012 0:14:15 GMT
Post by Michael on Apr 11, 2012 0:14:15 GMT
GANGBANG YES.
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Lemonfluff
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Sex?
Apr 11, 2012 0:49:03 GMT
Post by Lemonfluff on Apr 11, 2012 0:49:03 GMT
^ Waytotrollmichelleiapprove I see what you guys are saying, I personally agree with you Madi, alot! Sex grosses me out. It's just weird when you think about it and also the parts you use are actually pretty disgusting when you think about that too. However, I also get that it can be immensly pleasurable and fun. I've been brought up bascially with the idea that my parents would go nuts if I had sex whilst living with them however since having moved away it's actually become a much more realistic option and I've had to re-evaluate my own morals with it. I think in theory, it's fine just as long as you know what you're putting yourself in for and not giving yourself away without knowing how it will affect you. So I think people who have sex because they're insecure are not doing it right. I find the idea of one night stands and people who go out with the intention of getting drunk and sleeping with someone they'll never see again really weird. I don't get that. I think you should know the person you're sleeping with though (as mentioned in the other thread) that could just be a friends with benefits thing. ^Pixie - about the fear or pregnancy, couldn't you just use a condom? I'd be more worried about STD's tbh. I also think that people (at least in my experience) make SUCH a big thing about sex!! I never really understood why Freud was so obsessed with it to the level that it needed to be involved with every part of our psychological health, but if you watch programmes like Friends or Scrubs or reality programmes or anything really, it seems like such a common, casual thing. I get that in many ways it doesn't have to be a big deal but, on the other hand it feels like it is. I also think guys think about sex /very/ differently to girls in general. Not all guys and of course it's a big deal for them too but I think that there are maybe different factors involved to think about. It's more acceptable for men to sleep around than woman, although both are getting more common. With the flirting thing, there is a point where friendly flirting maybe becomes a bit more and it's unclear if they actually like you or not. I have one friend who flirts with me a lot, which is fun but he is completely off limits (taken) so obviously it could never go any further than friendly flirting or joking.
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Wanderer
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Sex?
Apr 11, 2012 1:53:59 GMT
Post by Wanderer on Apr 11, 2012 1:53:59 GMT
I'm so glad I'm not the only one freaked out about having sex... I'm more of a sex-after-marriage type of person, and even then, I'd have to really REALLY love my husband to ever have sex with him. Like, I want children, but I just don't want to have sex either I don't really know why. I'm just really insecure and don't want anyone to look at me / do anything to me. Also, I agree with you Lemonsnow, that it's more socially acceptable for guys to sleep around than girls. Guys are just viewed as "pimps", but girls are forever marked as "sluts" and "whores." My teacher even said that he'd totally let his son impregnate a girl, but if his own daughter got pregnant, he would start flipping over tables and getting out his rifle. And I'm with Madi on the flirting issue as well.
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pixie
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Sex?
Apr 11, 2012 3:17:05 GMT
Post by pixie on Apr 11, 2012 3:17:05 GMT
@lemonsnow: Don't get me wrong, I'm totally pro contraceptives. I definitely wouldn't sleep with a guy without protection (and I'm on birth control, anyway), but I'm so paranoid about it. I think it's because (I don't care if you boys know, but I know guys get weird about girls talking about this so I decided to spoiler it.) I have a chemical imbalance that causes my period to be irregular to the point where I'll get it and then I won't have it again for like 6 months or I might have it in 2 or it might be on time, etc. Anyway, so if I was the kind of girl who slept around I'd be worried I was pregnant ALL THE TIME, which is stress I just don't need. Anyway, I wouldn't sleep with someone unless I was in a committed relationship with them. However, unlike a lot of you guys I guess, I don't think of sex as gross or undesirable.... just stressful because of other factors. Also, I'm the youngest of two and my older sister lost her virginity when she was 18 and she hasn't seemed to regret it at all. (She told me when it happened and I was 13 at the time, so I think she has had an effect on me because at that age I saw her handling it fine)
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Sex?
Apr 11, 2012 9:36:02 GMT
Post by Kai'ichi on Apr 11, 2012 9:36:02 GMT
Kissing: The act of trading spit with somebody else. Sex: Kissing is gross enough why would I want to do more?
Okay, being more serious now.
Flirting: As far as I can tell everybody flirts, even if it isn't consciously. Flirting with friends is pretty common, everybody keeps it light and usually within comfortable bounds, although depending on the group of people is going to define what the comfortable/acceptable bounds are. It's flirting outside of friendship groups where it can go to far, especially if one side of the party makes it clear they aren't interested or feel uncomfortable.
Expectations: I'm going to say it depends on the surrounding peers/environment on this one. I think by a certain age it's implied that a relationship is going to entail sex, and by a certain age everybody is claiming they've had sex, and with more people than they have. There is a time when pressure is put on people to flirt and talk about sex and relationships, and by a certain point to have experienced one. But again....it depends on the peers. There are certain groups of people that are going to look at you askew if you've never even kissed somebody, and naturally groups that will brand you as a devil if you have!
Sex: In general I'm very open-minded about everything - and sex is no acception. I don't think anybody should wait till marriage - if the sex is bad it can affect a relationship in the same way that no sex would. It's like waiting until you've brought the thousand pound jeans, jumped on a plane, gone home and then tried them on only to find they don't fit.
In a similar way I think people should be free to experience different types of relationships and different types of sexual interactions. As long as they aren't stupid about it anyway. Maybe nothing as extreme as switching partners (although even this is acceptable), but variety can be good.
Personally I'd have to REALLY love the person I was with and have been in a committed relationship for a while before I even considered sex with them. Taking into account my (at least current) asexuality and the fact that I actually find kissing (past a peck on the lips) disgusting.... I really would have to love them. Although that isn't to say that I find the act of sex disgusting, merely something I'm not interested in engaging in xP.
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Sex?
Apr 11, 2012 19:48:18 GMT
Post by Tee Em on Apr 11, 2012 19:48:18 GMT
Do you think that there are too high expectations now, that a relationship will also constitute sex, and that people feel pressured to have sex or to have had relationships in order to be valued as a person in our society? I definitely think that sex and sex appeal is how a lot of people are defined. For men, it's sort of; "the more sex you have, the cooler you are" while for women, it's about sex appeal. (Of course, this is speaking in broad terms and definitely doesn't apply to every situation.) There's a huge thing about how valuable a girl is, based on how she looks. A pretty simple situation is when people talk about celebrities and someone goes; "Ugh, how can he date her? She's so not pretty enough for him!" and stuff like that. :/ It really shows the current cultural conditioning -- we're not expected to look much further than ass, rack and legs. Of course, there are plenty more examples, some a lot more subtle and others a lot more extreme, but that's the general idea. The idea of sex sometimes grosses me out :L It seems weird. The idea of having sex with a girl, to me, feels less weird, because its like the only thing this girl would be doing is something I am also fully capable of doing to myself if I wanted. I dunno :L I can't say I've ever been in the position (lulz) of having sex with a guy or girl.. But I guess the idea of losing my virginity is still kinda scary to me. :L (More so with guys- due to fears of it hurting or being uncomfortable, if the guy will listen to me or just go at the pace that pleases him etc.. I have guy-issues as well btw before you're all like wtf I dont really trust/talk to most guys and I have to admit I've got a bad idea of them in my head. Like I know not all guys are dicks, but I still cant help fearing I wont be treated well by them) OMIGARSH, YES. Girl sex seems like so much more fun than straight sex. But it really depends on the person (in my case, at least). Sex or gender isn't really that high on my priorities when it comes to whom I date, but from a purely physical standpoint I'd rather be with a girl. Whatevs. And I see what you mean about the guy thing. I'm not going to generalise guys here, because there are so many wonderful dudes out there that deserve love and appreciation, but the social construct heavily emphasises the idea that if a guy don't want a girl just for sex, then there's something wrong with him. There are a whole lot of things that we're told about how each sex/gender should act in different areas of life, and the d-bag mold is a pretty popular one. I think society as a whole has a lot to do with it. Everyones so concerned with how other people view them that they do things they dont want to do, or aren't sure about just so they can say they've done it. I'm not too bad at the moment because a lot of other people I'm friends with haven't had sex, but I can imagine in a couple of years time people will tease me for being a virgin when everyone else has done it. Yeah, it's such a strange era we live in, because everyone's proclaiming on their their statuses and stuff; "I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS ABOUT ME," and at the same time, everyone's told to be hyper-aware of how we're perceived. xD I know I'm guilty of worrying about what other people think of me (a lot) but I think I'm getting better. xD LET'S GO. ;D I also think guys think about sex /very/ differently to girls in general. Not all guys and of course it's a big deal for them too but I think that there are maybe different factors involved to think about. It's more acceptable for men to sleep around than woman, although both are getting more common. Double standards are just gross, in pretty much every situation. :/ I don't think it's that guys think about sex ~drastically~ differently (I mean, it's the same act). But everyone's told that "guys, go for it and BECOME A MAN" and "ladies, don't become a tramp!", and the whole stud/slut thing as well. (Also, the idea that if a guy pursues sex for pleasure, it's considered normal, but if a girl pursues sex, then people think there must be some underlining emotional problem.) It's still a pretty radical concept that a girl can have sex for her own enjoyment. While I don't think anyone should have sex for attention or in hopes of finding an ideal partner, but people should be allowed to explore their own sexuality and preferences without having to feel ashamed about what they're doing. But there are definitely plenty of factors to consider, yeah. Also, just out of curiousity -- what's everyone's sex ed like? I go to a Christian-orientated school, so the basic message is "DON'T HAVE SEX. AND IF YOU DO, (be protected) AND FEEL ASHAMED, BECAUSE YOU'RE A HORRIBLE, SINFUL HUMAN BEING AND PROBABLY GAVE INTO PEER PRESSURE." (And the only reason they add anything about protection is because it's required in here because of HIV/Aids.) I go to an all-girls' school, and the extent of our sex-ed last year was basically "How to say no to boys" (because not only are heterosexual relationships the only type that exist, but apparently girls shouldn't want sex, because we're worth 'so much more'). Hopefully this year they'll introduce more helpful material. Um, derp. Sorry for such a gender-role orientated post, but I found it to be something that plays a huge role in sex values and culture. I hope I made sense here and don't sound like too much of a prat. xD
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Sex?
Apr 11, 2012 20:00:29 GMT
Post by Kai'ichi on Apr 11, 2012 20:00:29 GMT
Yes, at first. Especially for men - it's hardwired to the brain. The whole immediatecy of physical attributes is the innate evaluation of the health and genetics of the possible mate; the whole pointing out and the show of noticing these attributes is conditioning and peer pressure.
It's also the reason (ignoring the whole saying one thing but wanting another) that everybody has such different tastes, but at the same time has a preference for certain attributes.
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Sex?
Apr 11, 2012 20:20:04 GMT
Post by Tee Em on Apr 11, 2012 20:20:04 GMT
^ Agreed, it is hardwired into us -- and that's completely fine to appreciate someone's looks or be attracted to them purely for their bodies. It's natural. I think that sex can be casual, fun and respectful -- but even if it a purely physical relationship, I think that all parties involved should be respected as a person. But when someone forgets that a hottie is not just another tool for jacking off, rather than an actual person with their own thoughts and desires, then things get sticky. Ideas of beauty are quite interesting, seeing that there's so much diversity in the different cultures and eras and religions. It shows that there's no one true set of what the 'perfect ideal' is, and hopefully in the future more diverse tastes will be more accepted, not just the typical typeset of today.
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Lemonfluff
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Sex?
Apr 11, 2012 23:28:21 GMT
Post by Lemonfluff on Apr 11, 2012 23:28:21 GMT
Also, just out of curiousity -- what's everyone's sex ed like? I go to a Christian-orientated school, so the basic message is "DON'T HAVE SEX. AND IF YOU DO, (be protected) AND FEEL ASHAMED, BECAUSE YOU'RE A HORRIBLE, SINFUL HUMAN BEING AND PROBABLY GAVE INTO PEER PRESSURE." (And the only reason they add anything about protection is because it's required in here because of HIV/Aids.) I go to an all-girls' school, and the extent of our sex-ed last year was basically "How to say no to boys" (because not only are heterosexual relationships the only type that exist, but apparently girls shouldn't want sex, because we're worth 'so much more'). Hopefully this year they'll introduce more helpful material. Verry interesting post TM, I agree with a lot of what you said. Wow your school sounds very narrow minded. Ours was: don't have sex, these are all the diseases you can get, here's a condom put it on a banana, say no to drugs and alcohol but if you do take these then here's a list of what not to mix! xD I really disagree with the way your school approaches it because I think that forbidding people to do something that is ultimately the most common and natural thing in the world will just lead to unending conflict and guilt. If people feel certain things then they should feel able to explore this freely and safely not that they have to hide it and hate themselves for it because it's "not right". That just sounds confusing and pointless. I think schools in general should be more open about sex (something which is improving a lot!) so that people know how to have it safely, that their feelings are completely normal and that it's ok. If they understand this then they should have the right to make their own minds up about it providing it's with in the law. Making it "tabboo" leads to people not understanding and feeling inferior or weird for either wanting to do it, not wanting to do it, having done it or not having done it and I think leads to the unrealistic number of people who claim to have had sex or not to. Especially at ages 14-210 where peer pressure is big and where social value and standing is deemed very important and based on things like this.
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pixie
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Sex?
Apr 11, 2012 23:50:06 GMT
Post by pixie on Apr 11, 2012 23:50:06 GMT
@tm: My school had I think... 3 hours in my sophomore year dedicated to our sex ed. It was essentially like Lemonsnow's. They actually reminded me of mean girls teacher. This was pretty much it, except for more about STDs.
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Sex?
Apr 12, 2012 1:43:29 GMT
Post by Madi The Unicorn on Apr 12, 2012 1:43:29 GMT
Also, just out of curiousity -- what's everyone's sex ed like? I go to a Christian-orientated school, so the basic message is "DON'T HAVE SEX. AND IF YOU DO, (be protected) AND FEEL ASHAMED, BECAUSE YOU'RE A HORRIBLE, SINFUL HUMAN BEING AND PROBABLY GAVE INTO PEER PRESSURE." (And the only reason they add anything about protection is because it's required in here because of HIV/Aids.) I go to an all-girls' school, and the extent of our sex-ed last year was basically "How to say no to boys" (because not only are heterosexual relationships the only type that exist, but apparently girls shouldn't want sex, because we're worth 'so much more'). Hopefully this year they'll introduce more helpful material. About the same. Though when they seperated us this year they made a big deal about girls being with guys.. how when you find HIM and if you want to have sex with HIM or HE wants to have sex with you.. they really stressed it, and I have to admit I laughed out loud. I'm Bi and people sort of know but its not been like properly confirmed for loads of people, so I wasnt who people talked about, but in that sex-ed (i wouldn't call it a lesson it was basically them preaching at us..) thing there was a fully-out lesbian who.. well she wasn't impressed. The only other "Sex-Ed" I could say would be that which we did in RE this year as it's on the syllabis (Protection with sex, religious views on homosexual acts, religious views on sex before marriage, other views towards sex etc) Thats the only stuff we get on protection and stuff though.. the rest is just "DONT HAVE SEX. WAIT FOR MARRIAGE. GOD SAYS THIS. DO THIS. GOD SAYS DONT DO THAT. YOU'LL GO TO HELL IF YOU DO IT" ... I may have exaggerated that last part but its the same basic idea. The only other sex related lesson I can remember having is in Biology a couple of years ago now where we talked about STD's and stuff. I actually can't remember any of it. I blame my school for my lack of knowledge on STD's and protection. You'd think since they dont want young women getting pregnant from underage sex and stuff they'd tell people how to use protection to stop it. Instead they tell us nothing then complain about the birth rates... Stupid people frustrate me. -_-
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Sex?
Apr 12, 2012 10:29:03 GMT
Post by Kai'ichi on Apr 12, 2012 10:29:03 GMT
This is where you acknowledge that the world in general is stupid and you are doomed forever to live in a sea of stupidity. ^^
...this is quite a while ago for me but sex.ed was repeated several times, once/twice a year, and yet somehow I managed to miss all of those lessons. Minus one, which unfortunately was the one they showed of a woman giving birth =\
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